Lightly Cursed Food Tweets Vol. 1
Other people's words arranged into a brief kitchen drama.
I liked all of these food posts on Twitter and prefer to read them as one very short lyric novel about the zeitgeist (in my last newsletter we were pretending to be French and fancy, in this newsletter we are German and existential).
[Establishing the status quo:]
i prefer cooking to baking because i'm a free spirit. i don't like to follow the rules. i'm a born improviser and i'm proud of it daddio
[For heroes there is a call to action and for the rest of us we just assert strong opinions online:]
ok but โappetizers are gayโ is actually my favorite thing thatโs happened on twitter in a long time
[The narrative begins to twist with unforeseen and yet inevitable complications:]
Just realized the cold brew Iโve been drinking is โconcentratedโ and meant to be โdilutedโ with โwater.โ
dinner is either an entire pizza or a handful of vitamin gummies and a TD bank lollipop thereโs nothing in between
[The lowest moment, the crisis, when all seems lost:]
trying to avoid the tired tropes of my own cooking by making things I would never ordinarily make. but no dice. all my dishes, regardless of cultural origin, taste of the inescapable self.
[The revelation is had, the decision is made:]
god i am so bored of this wholegrain version of my life, oh another delicious homemade meal is it? a brisk walk? grow up
the only thing i want in the entire world is a bagel with cream cheese and salmon and those little green things i forget the name of
[Finally, the denouement (maybe we are French again but still existential), spoken aloud to the mirror:]
[The endโฆ for now.]
Love,
Julian