Man Door Hand Hook Car Door
Man Door Hand Hook Car Door
She gets out to check and--!
One:
A couple are driving on a dark country road. They are listening to the radio and looking for a place to pull over and screw when the car unexpectedly breaks down. As the boyfriend struggles with the ignition, the music ends abruptly and the announcer reads an urgent report that a lunatic with a hook for a hand is on the loose again in their area. The boyfriend sighs and continues to fuss with the engine, but the girlfriend hears a scratching sound on the roof of the car and gets scared.
"What's that?" The girlfriend asks.
"It's probably just a tree branch in the wind," says the boyfriend. "Or, you know, nothing. It's an old car, right? Things are always coming loose." Then to himself, he mutters, "Motherfucker said it was fixed. I'll get that son of a..."
The scratching on the roof of the car continues.
“Shouldn’t we go look for help?” The girlfriend asks.
“Get off my ass already,” scoffs the boyfriend.
The scratching gets louder, and louder, and the girlfriend finally gets upset. She is desperate.
"Please!” She cries. “If you won't do something, then I will!"
The boyfriend punches the steering wheel, glares out into the night, and silently gets out of the car. It's so dark that the girlfriend can hardly see what's happening once he’s outside, but almost immediately, the scratching stops and she hears several loud thumps, first on top of the car and then a heavy slide onto the dirt.
She starts to scream until she hears her boyfriend shouting.
"We can't keep doing this, okay?" He yells at whatever now lays in the middle of the road. "The insurance won't cover it."
Two:
A boy and a girl are driving back from their date when the boyfriend pulls over the car onto the shoulder of the highway.
"I have to pee, and there are no more exits until we get home," says the boyfriend.
"Well okay," says the girlfriend. "But don't dilly dally."
As the boyfriend leaves the car, the girlfriend turns on the radio for company and hears on the news about a serial killer with a hook who was reportedly spotted nearby.
"Better hurry back," she calls to her boyfriend.
"I'm going as fast as I can," says the boyfriend. "But please don't watch me take a piss. Look at the trees or the moon or something if you're bored. Just, whatever you do, don't look down."
"Okay," says the girlfriend. She waits and waits but her boyfriend continues to stand at the side of the road and, supposedly, pee for almost an hour. She’s going to miss her curfew. She gets impatient.
The girlfriend finally decides that she just can’t help herself. She gets out of the car and approaches her boyfriend, but when she looks down, she sees that his penis is a metal hook.
Three:
A young couple are making out in a parked car with the radio playing. Suddenly, the music is interrupted by an emergency bulletin that a violent man has escaped from a nearby mental institution. The man is said to be wearing a hook in place of his left hand.
"Maybe we should leave," says the boyfriend.
"Where did he get the hook from if he escaped?" Asks the girlfriend, turning up the volume on the radio. "They won't even let you have shoelaces in there."
Despite how loud it is in the car, the boyfriend still hears a scraping sound start against the front passenger door, next to where his girlfriend is seated, but he can’t see over her well enough to look at what might be making it.
"I really think we ought to get out of here," he insists.
"The mentally ill are more likely to be victims of violent crime than violent criminals themselves," the girlfriend says. She shrugs and continues to listen to the radio with rapt attention.
The scraping sounds get louder and more aggressive. It’s as though something metal is trying to pry open the car like a can opener. The boyfriend trembles in fear.
"Aren't you even a little frightened?" He asks.
"No," says the girlfriend. "I’m guessing this guy has his reasons for leaving. I mean, what would happen to him if he stayed? The conditions there are horrible. Eventually they'll shut it all down, and it's not like they're going to set him up with a shelter or apartment. So it's either the streets today, on his own terms, or the streets tomorrow, on someone else's terms."
"How do you know so much about all this grisly kind of stuff?" The boyfriend asks.
"Oh, that," laughs the girlfriend. "Well, my parents put me in the same institution for a while. I was a huge lesbian until the treatment."
"I think I've had about enough of this," says the boyfriend. He turns his keys in the car's ignition and drives his girlfriend home. But when he gets out of the car in her parent's driveway to let her out, he sees a metal hook embedded in the car door.
He screams.
“Shh! You’ll wake up my dad!” says the girl.
“Okay, but whatever else you do when you get out of the car, don’t turn around and look behind you.”
Confused and curious, the girlfriend gets out and immediately turns around to see what the matter is.
"Oh," she says. "This belongs to a friend of mine. It's a little joke between us." She smiles and taps one finger on the front of her forehead, implying that the two shared a rather macabre sense of humor about the threat of lobotomy.
"You actually know this person?" The boyfriend is shocked and appalled.
"Yes," says the girlfriend. "But you have nothing to worry about--he's gay, too."
Love,
Julian