ROSENCRANTZ - A gay dipshit. Somewhere between 28 and 38, give or take. Fussy underachieving egghead.
GUILDENSTERN - Another gay dipshit. Somewhere between 30 and 40, give or take. Post-suburban punker and tape geek.
NARRATOR - Optional. Ageless, sexless, sincere. Performs most of the stage directions as spoken commentary. It is for this reason t…